Friday, March 17, 2006


Living in New Zealand has made many dramatic changes in my life, such as the way I think, the way I act - and react, and the way I behave. The cool-relaxed-high standard environment has dropped my stress level to minimum. No more 2-hour-traffic jams, no more paranoia being robbed or taken advantage, no more (re)reversed thoughts to understand things, no more government and law-enforce hypocrites talking one thing and doing the other.

In general ... life makes sense now.

After three years leaving my home county, I was recently reminded how things work there. In a discussion forum, I was struck by comments suggesting "prioritizing the simple work" and "doing things selfishly." Don't they understand what they're saying? What the implications of their words are, especially to the younger generation?

DEGRADATION ... DEMORALIZING ... LAZINESS ... are only a few to mention!

Prioritizing simple work leads towards laziness and then cutting corners in their professional work and their life's principle ... if there's anything left.

Doing things selfishly automatically negates the importance and even the existence of other people. "This is my life and this is how I do things, so bug off!"

I don't want to go into much detail on the implications of these concepts ... it's too terrifying.

I tried to speak out the danger of these concepts in the forum, but I suppose I "tried" too hard. The discussion became very emotional and non-respective in their chosen words.

My current environment has taught me to be considerate, appreciative, and respective to other people who are held up by ethics, law and common sense ... but I suppose it's true, common sense isn't common anyway. Doctrines will conflict and contradict with other doctrines; people will get into dispute with other people. It's a sad fact that we try not to acknowledge, but it's still there in our face ... selfishness.

Influencing the mind

Another sleepless night

Still lots of things on my mind … rather unimportant really … it’s just spinning in there, with no critical implications in my life … or that’s what I believe.

The mind … a very interesting device.

Although it is true you control the things you think about, sometimes you just can’t control the inputs and processes which leads to either a creative/ constructive result, or a rather self-centered/ pessimistic one.

What are these influences, and how do you control/ edit/ censor it?

Monday, April 04, 2005

Journal Archive: Through A Window

I'm looking in a window. A small window from a building that doesn't exist. From a window that has no frames, and neither a glass. But still a window.

The sky is shining blue. Small clouds chasing each other above the dancing green grass, while the sun smiles gently as they all play.

I'm looking in a window. A small window from a building that doesn't exist. From a window that has no frames, and neither a glass. But still a window.

The rain is pouring hard. It's a storm. Lightning flashing, striking the earth with anger. Burning everything it touches. Flames. Flames that can't even be burned out by the strong wind ripping off the trees and buildings from their foundations. Destruction. Totally, and nothing saved.

I'm looking in a window. A small window from a building that doesn't exist. From a window that has no frames, and neither a glass. But still a window.

Just an image from a window. A window that can show millions of images in a second. The brain recording each and every detail it can see. Part painful, part beautiful. And many times unbearable, with either horror or delight. Still recording ...

I'm looking in a window. A small window from a building that doesn't exist. From a window that has no frames, and neither a glass. But still a window.

A vague image appears in the window. This one apart from the millions of images. It's from the invisible glass itself, not from beyond it. An image that is somehow glued to the glass, but not framed by the window. I recognize this one. Yes, definitely! It's ... it's me.

Wait, is it me? Is it really me? I seem so ... different.

My eyes. A look from a small child with innocence, with truth, and with sadness, having to let go of his bright orange balloon. Watching it silently fade away in the blue morning summer sky. "Good-bye," not knowing what it really means.

The skin of my face looks so rough and burned by the strong harsh sun with scars all over. But not entirely, just part of it, creating a new layer of skin. A mask. To hide and bury the old.

My lips are closed by the secret it hides. The dark secret of a world it knows. A world made of hope and love but flourished hate and anger.

Yes, that is me. But not me completely!!

Look deeper in those eyes!! Can't you see the small little smile it still has from the laughter and joy? From every game it once played? From every love it once touched? Look!

Yes, my skin may seem rough and hard, but made from all the tenderness and warmth of the flowing blood running deep inside through my veins. Each cell giving it's purity to nourish both the old and new skin. Not a mask!

My lips, not only holding the dark secrets it knows but also a sweet taste from another. A taste made of a very special ingredient, mixed by delicate hands. Yes, I once tasted it. And it is still there, on my lips.

That is me!! Look closely, and don't be fooled by the first impressions I show. They're not completely true. Don't get fooled by yourself. Look!!

I'm looking in a window. A small window from a building that doesn't exist. From a window that has no frames, and neither a glass. But still a window.

Everything is starting to get out of focus. So I close my eyes.

Journal Archive: The Present

Running among the beams of light.

Through the substance of time.

Conquering distance over distance.

I am here. This is now. Tracks lead behind and before me.

My path, my destiny - made by Fate.

Foot after foot. Mile after mile.

No time for confusion, no time for slowing down.

Decisions are made. Chances are taken. Opportunities are not forsaken.

This is my life. And I am in control of it. Only I.

I might stumble over obstacles, I might fall over hurdles.

Still I have to go on to take the other step, the other, and the other.

Empowered by the energy bursting in my veins and lead by the hands of Faith.

To whatever may come.

I shall dare to face it.

Journal Archive: The Past

Running 100 km per hour. Tree after tree passes by.

Rocked by the curved and bumpy road. The car starts to jump into mid air. Run, run! Faster, faster!!

Scenes change. The clouded metropolitan city I live in, a colorful valley of flowers, a small stream where a bunch of kids play, splashing water into the blue sky.

Images. Places. Emotions. They all run through and blend into one.

Time ... it can record them all so neatly and decay them so brutally.

Sometimes I wonder if I must let myself memorize everything to just let it be destroyed

But then I realize that happiness can not be forgotten

And mistakes will be forgiven

Everything I've been through is a blessing

And I shall cherish it deep in my thoughts

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Recognize Yourself

The easiest way to recognize yourself is looking at a mirror. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always provide us with a good mirror, or any mirror at all.

The second way is to ask ourselves, who we are. Many aspects and attributes will rise, but how far have we made an objective view, and where is the border to subjectivity?

The third way is to ask the people close to you. A better view on objectivity will show as you add your personal inputs.

The fourth way is to look at the person(s) you don’t like or hate most. Take some distance and analyze yourself objectively, “Am I as different as he/she is?” In many cases, we become the person we hate most.

Exercise these ways, but don’t stop with a conclusion on who you are, go further. Improve yourself and practice the lessons you’ve learned. Learn and strive to become better, because only a foolish man is content with the limitations he set for himself.


A couple days ago, my wife asked why I’m not as romantic as I used to be. She also asked whether all men tend to cool down showing and giving their affections to their partners once they “committed” to each other.

I, like many other people, don’t like hard questions and always want to be right. I would love to say, “I’m as romantic as I used to be,” but that wouldn’t be true. I realize that my affections are growing thin, as I get more involved in “supporting” the family, in areas of finance, setting goals in life, school for the children, immigration, the best time to visit our families and friends in Indonesia, and career.

I argued that planning and setting our future is priority. I just found another job with an architect with better income and lesser hours, we’re looking for a good investment to build our dream house, and we’re looking for a good school and safe neighborhood for our kids.

Our communication skills and team work has grown rapidly, shown by the progress we made since we arrived in New Zealand two years ago. With all of our achievement, why did this issue come up? Isn’t our future more important than romance? Do we not communicate fluently? Do we not have enough things on our minds to deal with?

The answer is no. We shouldn’t compare future and romance, as they are incomparable. The future wouldn’t mean much if your partner is unhappy, and focusing on romance all the time, means lesser attention to future plans. We still have to build our communication skills, because romance is communicating emotions and desires, real emotions and real desires. And as life progresses, more things will come to our attention and must be dealt, so might as well deal with it now and learn the lesson.

This issue on romance reminds me that “us” means the plurality of me, my wife, and our children, not just “family” as singular. I was too occupied in the singularity of my family, and forgot the individuals within it. If I can sacrifice time, money and thought for the family, I must deal with the awkwardness going to a flower shop.

Thank you, Love.

Monday, March 28, 2005


There was a man hanging from a cliff screaming for help, and you came with the intension to help the poor man.

  1. You kneel down and ask whether he is a good man or not. If he’s good, you help him, if not you leave, because he deserves it
  2. You talk to him and try to give comfort. He will sort out his own problems and crawl up by him self
  3. Call for help, and never see the man again
  4. Give a helping hand and pull him to safety
  5. You give levitation practices, as the old Chinese monks do, and expect the man to master the skill
  6. You pray for him, and pray, and pray
  7. You ask an amount of money if you help him
  8. You criticize him and make him angry, and try to give him the extra energy to climb up and punch you
  9. Talk him out of the situation and say its hopeless for any actions, and he lets go and fall
  10. You come near to the cliff with the intensions to help, but you had other things to do
  11. You ask the man if he’s a relative of yours or not. If yes, you help him.
  12. You talk to the man all of your own problem
  13. You come up with a camera, and sell the photos to the papers
  14. You meditate on the situation, and write an article the ways to help people

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Good things and bad things

Good things and bad things happen to everybody.

Good things happen to good people,

Bad things happen to bad people too.

Don't be bad to expect good things to happen,

Don't be good to expect bad things to happen.

When you're good, be thankful for the goodness upon you and the goodness you share to others

When you're bad think of the inflictions you might give to others.

As you don't like bad things to happen to you, why give bad things to others?

Sometimes it's inevitable, but we have the power to make it better, if only we try ...

This is a response I gave to a post on

It's very common for us to immediately see things which attracts attention and contrast. The advertisement industry often use red color to atract the eye of passerby for their sale on their products. Black text is always used on white background as these colors are in contrast to each other. And at night time, neon signs are used to separate their sign against the black background.

This is also why people often see good things happening to bad people, and bad things happening to good people. While in reality its not always true. If we would be honest to ourselves, if we claim ourselves to be good people, would you say that more bad things happen in your life? And if you feel you are a bad person, do good things happen more often?

Good things and bad things happen to everybody, either they are good or bad. Although I believe that good things happen more often to good people rather than bad people. Questions are:
- if you were bad, how often would you recieve presents from friends and relatives? My friend Alfie just recieved a pair of shoes ... did he recieve it because he was bad?
- a bad person gets injured on the streets and gets medical treatment ... is he worth the treatment? Have you ever wondered why doctors never ask wheter you're a good person or not? Everybody who is injured needs help. After that its up to us to give thanks and try to help others, or ignore it altogether and say it was only a light scar.

We have the priviledge of choices, and the power to change ... hopefully for the better.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

new blog space

Finally, a digital space to accomodate my designs and thoughts!