Thursday, March 31, 2005

Recognize Yourself

The easiest way to recognize yourself is looking at a mirror. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always provide us with a good mirror, or any mirror at all.

The second way is to ask ourselves, who we are. Many aspects and attributes will rise, but how far have we made an objective view, and where is the border to subjectivity?

The third way is to ask the people close to you. A better view on objectivity will show as you add your personal inputs.

The fourth way is to look at the person(s) you don’t like or hate most. Take some distance and analyze yourself objectively, “Am I as different as he/she is?” In many cases, we become the person we hate most.

Exercise these ways, but don’t stop with a conclusion on who you are, go further. Improve yourself and practice the lessons you’ve learned. Learn and strive to become better, because only a foolish man is content with the limitations he set for himself.


A couple days ago, my wife asked why I’m not as romantic as I used to be. She also asked whether all men tend to cool down showing and giving their affections to their partners once they “committed” to each other.

I, like many other people, don’t like hard questions and always want to be right. I would love to say, “I’m as romantic as I used to be,” but that wouldn’t be true. I realize that my affections are growing thin, as I get more involved in “supporting” the family, in areas of finance, setting goals in life, school for the children, immigration, the best time to visit our families and friends in Indonesia, and career.

I argued that planning and setting our future is priority. I just found another job with an architect with better income and lesser hours, we’re looking for a good investment to build our dream house, and we’re looking for a good school and safe neighborhood for our kids.

Our communication skills and team work has grown rapidly, shown by the progress we made since we arrived in New Zealand two years ago. With all of our achievement, why did this issue come up? Isn’t our future more important than romance? Do we not communicate fluently? Do we not have enough things on our minds to deal with?

The answer is no. We shouldn’t compare future and romance, as they are incomparable. The future wouldn’t mean much if your partner is unhappy, and focusing on romance all the time, means lesser attention to future plans. We still have to build our communication skills, because romance is communicating emotions and desires, real emotions and real desires. And as life progresses, more things will come to our attention and must be dealt, so might as well deal with it now and learn the lesson.

This issue on romance reminds me that “us” means the plurality of me, my wife, and our children, not just “family” as singular. I was too occupied in the singularity of my family, and forgot the individuals within it. If I can sacrifice time, money and thought for the family, I must deal with the awkwardness going to a flower shop.

Thank you, Love.

Monday, March 28, 2005


There was a man hanging from a cliff screaming for help, and you came with the intension to help the poor man.

  1. You kneel down and ask whether he is a good man or not. If he’s good, you help him, if not you leave, because he deserves it
  2. You talk to him and try to give comfort. He will sort out his own problems and crawl up by him self
  3. Call for help, and never see the man again
  4. Give a helping hand and pull him to safety
  5. You give levitation practices, as the old Chinese monks do, and expect the man to master the skill
  6. You pray for him, and pray, and pray
  7. You ask an amount of money if you help him
  8. You criticize him and make him angry, and try to give him the extra energy to climb up and punch you
  9. Talk him out of the situation and say its hopeless for any actions, and he lets go and fall
  10. You come near to the cliff with the intensions to help, but you had other things to do
  11. You ask the man if he’s a relative of yours or not. If yes, you help him.
  12. You talk to the man all of your own problem
  13. You come up with a camera, and sell the photos to the papers
  14. You meditate on the situation, and write an article the ways to help people

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Good things and bad things

Good things and bad things happen to everybody.

Good things happen to good people,

Bad things happen to bad people too.

Don't be bad to expect good things to happen,

Don't be good to expect bad things to happen.

When you're good, be thankful for the goodness upon you and the goodness you share to others

When you're bad think of the inflictions you might give to others.

As you don't like bad things to happen to you, why give bad things to others?

Sometimes it's inevitable, but we have the power to make it better, if only we try ...

This is a response I gave to a post on

It's very common for us to immediately see things which attracts attention and contrast. The advertisement industry often use red color to atract the eye of passerby for their sale on their products. Black text is always used on white background as these colors are in contrast to each other. And at night time, neon signs are used to separate their sign against the black background.

This is also why people often see good things happening to bad people, and bad things happening to good people. While in reality its not always true. If we would be honest to ourselves, if we claim ourselves to be good people, would you say that more bad things happen in your life? And if you feel you are a bad person, do good things happen more often?

Good things and bad things happen to everybody, either they are good or bad. Although I believe that good things happen more often to good people rather than bad people. Questions are:
- if you were bad, how often would you recieve presents from friends and relatives? My friend Alfie just recieved a pair of shoes ... did he recieve it because he was bad?
- a bad person gets injured on the streets and gets medical treatment ... is he worth the treatment? Have you ever wondered why doctors never ask wheter you're a good person or not? Everybody who is injured needs help. After that its up to us to give thanks and try to help others, or ignore it altogether and say it was only a light scar.

We have the priviledge of choices, and the power to change ... hopefully for the better.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

new blog space

Finally, a digital space to accomodate my designs and thoughts!